Fighting the Holiday Blues
By Kit Hornbrook
Kit Hornbrook is a romance enthusiast. She is currently working on her first novel of a long planned series, and when they are not writing at a some coffee shop she’s wandering the shore of the beautiful Lake Superior collecting rocks. As a femme lesbian their idea of love is strongly colored by her deep love of butches and the queer community in general, and hopes to always represent and uplift them in and with their works. You can find her on Instagram @kit.hornbrook or TikTok @kitandthecrows
Fighting the Holiday Blues
The Christmas lights are never quite as bright as when you are a small child, when you are filled with wonder and hot chocolate, shaking your presents to see if you can guess what’s hidden inside. Those warm memories we can hold within us as the days get cold. But as we get older, the Christmas magic doesn’t come as easily. A lot of us are barely scraping by, trying to figure out how to get presents for all those we care about. Then for some, seeing family isn’t the joyful reunion you wish it were. The stress of the season can feel quick to bury you, during a time that used to be full of laughter and joy. Once that magic is lost, is it truly lost forever?
My first few Christmases after moving out were pretty bleak affairs if I’m being entirely honest. I don’t like to think back on them too deeply, but I do remember the hollow feeling I was left with and swearing off the season. Maybe it was all the Christmas corporate playlists; maybe it was just how capitalistic the whole holiday had become, but I couldn’t even bring myself to decorate for about 5 years. It actually wasn’t till this year that I finally bought a little tree and some ornaments. It was nicer than I thought, taking the time to decorate for myself; though I do miss those sentimental childhood decorations sometimes. As I’ve gotten older, it’s been easier to sort through those memories and extract the good without dwelling on the darker parts.
Sometimes it is the brightest memories that leave the deepest burns. For some of us, those joyous moments in the winter burned bright, hot, and fast, leaving us with marks on our hearts to remember them by. I promised myself this Christmas would be different, though. Armed with my little tree and a few of my favorite Christmas romcoms, I plan to wrap those few warm memories around me like a cloak to keep the colder months and thoughts at bay. While I can’t say I’ve been entirely successful so far. It feels nice to let myself bask in that warmth again; even if it’s not quite as warm as it once was.
The winter months are long and cold, and it’s easy to find yourself lost in
comparisons to how different things are now. Nostalgia has always reminded me of stained glass. Beautiful to look at from afar and admire, but if you get too close,it is easy to knock loose and shatter into a million multi-colored pieces. While they may still be beautiful, they are quick to cut if you try to force them back together.
Sometimes, instead of clinging to the past, find people around you who embrace you as you are, grinch tendencies and all! Capturing new moments to hold onto with people who fill you with love and warmth, and while they may not have that nostalgic veneer to them yet. Who is to say they won’t when you look back at them in a couple of decades, sitting by the fire and drinking cider?
